Staying an Extra Minute is Too Much – I’ve Already Spent 10 Years
Narcissistic Abuse: Navigating the Emotional and Financial Turmoil of a Narcissistic Relationship While Struggling to Keep Your Sanity Intact.
July 28, 2024
Hey folks,
Well, today’s topic is a real doozy – “The Mother” is back to normal. You see, she’s got me running errands like I’m some unpaid intern in the chaos that is our financial mess. I shelled out around $11k this month, and yet, bills are still magically not getting paid. Houdini’s got nothing on her when it comes to making money disappear.
She swears up and down she’s broke, no savings, nada. Funny thing is, she just took a little jaunt to another city – and you need a plane ticket for that. A year and a half ago, we were looking at investment properties for her, needing a downpayment of $300-$400k. She says all that money is gone. Yeah, right. She even claims, “I don’t own any shares anymore.” My BS detector’s going off the charts.
Back when we discussed separating, I said I could contribute $8k a month, max. Now, I’m shelling out over $10k, and she still refuses to get a job that pays real money. No, she’s determined to build her own business – which, from where I’m standing, is about as successful as a screen door on a submarine.
She’s just exploiting me. Plain and simple. She’s got some parental agreement document but zilch about finances. So, even though it’s gonna cost me an arm and a leg, I emailed my lawyer. Told her we need a simple agreement – everyone keeps what they have, plus a list of who owns what in the household. Once that’s signed, I’m outta here.
And if that wasn’t enough, our Au pair is gone for a week now. So, this weekend, she hits me with, “We need a cleaning plan.” Are you kidding me? I’m away 4-5 days a week, paying practically all the bills, and she does or doesn’t work – who the hell knows? Now, I’m supposed to clean the house on weekends because she’s too “busy” during the week? Am I seeing this wrong? Am I the asshole here?
Listen, I’m not saying women need to cook and clean. Hell no. But if one partner is working their butt off, and the other one isn’t (or won’t), shouldn’t the latter handle the domestic stuff?
I caught a
Podcast today, and they referenced a YouTube channel called “NARCDAILY - You Are Not Alone.” Good stuff. They talked about how narcissists can change but not by themselves and the source can’t help either – they need professional help. They can dial down the narcissism, but it’s rare for them to get clean of it entirely - everybody is narcissistic as well, the question is just how much? There are three phases in a relationship with a narcissist: love bombing, devaluation, and discard. I’m deep in the last one. She would’ve tossed me ages ago if it weren’t for the kids and money. She can’t manage that with her narcissistic antics.Not every narcissist is a psychopath, but every psychopath is a narcissist on steroids. Spot on. The podcast ended with some sage advice: if you realize you’re in a narcissistic relationship, every minute you stay is one too many. Turn around, run, and cut contact.
Hearing that again felt like a punch to the gut. I’m in this nightmare, and it’s driving me insane. I loathe my weekends, even though I adore my kids. I just can’t stand being with her anymore, even in the same room is hell. Good thing is I’m off for work for a couple of days.
So long, see you on the other side.
Walter
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Current Books in Parallel Reading:
Atomic Habits by James Clear
Pyramid of Success by Coach Wooden
Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
Habits I’m Working On:
• Fitness & Health: More sports, healthy eating, no junk food, lots of veggies, and less sugar. Aim: Sports 4 times a week (weights and running).
Mindset: I’m a runner and I’m healthy.
Status: will I hit the gym tonight?
• Dental Health: Flossing daily to avoid crowns and root canals.
Mindset: I have healthy teeth and I don’t hear the drill sound anymore
Status: bought floss at the airport so back in the game
• Writing: Practice, practice, practice—daily diary entries, no excuses.
Mindset: got really inspired by the interview so try to do more of those
• Weight: 112 kg (still still no scale)
Mindset: I’m a healthy and control my weight to feel better
Consecutive Days Posting on Walter’s Diary:
Nineteen (19)