Never Negotiate Alone a Parental Agreement with a Narcissist
Why Parental Agreements Deserve a Second Look - Before You Sign; so She can't Control You Even When You are Separated
As I anticipated, finalizing this parental agreement is proving to be anything but straightforward. The document she sent over seems simple at first glance, but when you read it carefully, the implications are disheartening.
The agreement essentially grants her sole custody of our two boys. Additionally, she can notify me of her new address within 48 hours of moving—anywhere. I’m permitted to see them every other weekend. Theoretically, she could relocate to her mother’s place, which might be 10,000 miles from where I live, and I’d still have to pick up and drop off the kids from her address. And I couldn’t do anything about that.
This is simply unacceptable.
Then there’s a clause stating that the children must always sleep at home. Even if I have them for the weekend, I’d be required to return them each night and pick them up in the morning. I’ve made it clear that I won’t agree to this. I want a fair arrangement from Friday evening to Sunday evening. If they want to sleep at home, I’m willing to bring them back, but I refuse to sign away my rights in such a limiting manner. She wants to control every aspect—it’s astonishingly manipulative, if not downright heart-wrenching.
What frustrates me even more is her belief that the boys are too young to spend nights away from her, citing psychological concerns. Yet, over the past six months, she’s taken several week-long work trips, leaving the kids without any apparent issues. She even went off to New York for two weeks last year to party with friends, leaving me to care for them. They were much younger then, and she didn’t seem to worry about their psychological well-being.
I told her I won’t sign this agreement without significant changes. I refuse to be in constant breach of a contract that demands permission for what should be routine parenting decisions. As the kids grow older, I don’t want to renegotiate this plan repeatedly.
I’ll be sending this to my lawyer to see what she has to say.
What do you think? Any advice?
Walter
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Thrity-One (31)
This is the agreement from hell. Agreements usually have contribution by both parents which are negotiated. This version hurts you and your boys. In reality, she'll breach it a million times over by dropping the boys off with you on her days while demanding greater financial support.
Why only weekends for you? Most states that I know of grant equal time unless there's serious abuse.