How My Narcissistic Partner Used Our Kids to Impress Her College Crush
I’m loyal to my kids, I’m not a cliché, I’m not a trophy.
Welcome to Walter’s Diary, where you’ll find daily musings on life’s ups and downs, heartfelt reflections, and lessons learned. Each entry is a journey through my day, capturing the honest thoughts, small victories, and nuggets of wisdom that come from living, loving, and learning.
July 21, 2024
The Daily Huddle:
Spent the morning working on my writing and listening to Kristian God’s “How to Write Non-Sucky Headlines That Actually Get Opened and Read.” I’m now a paying subscriber of her stack and trying to improve my headlines. What do you think? Is this one a good one? If you’re reading this, I guess it ain’t too shabby, huh?
I flew back to the salt mines (figuratively) and made an interesting observation. I had a window seat, and my neighbor was a very attractive, tall blonde (not natural) in her late twenties, wearing a half-translucent (don’t ask me what it’s called, I’m really not into clothing) mini skirt dress and leather boots. Her boyfriend was more my age or in his late forties. Funnily enough, his iPhone background image was of a five-year-old boy. So, I think he’s divorced and she’s the new flame. She seems to go for older guys, and they were on a weekend trip to the top tourist spot in the country. What a cliché. They were so in love, with her “sleeping” on his shoulder. It made me want to vomit. Or am I just jealous?
I couldn’t help but wonder if I’m heading in that direction. I’m in the middle of a separation and have kids. Will I end up with someone like her? I won’t stay alone forever, right? Or will I? She was something, to be honest. But will she stick around? He has money, for sure. I spied a bit and saw her schedule and diary entries (yeah, yeah, I shouldn’t do it, but hey, on a plane, there aren’t many secrets—it felt like being back at school). Her weekly schedule showed seven hours a week of workouts, eleven hours eating, and fifty-six hours sleeping. She clearly isn’t super busy at work and definitely has no kids.
Maybe she wants kids in ten years, and by then, he’ll be sixty? Maybe it’ll be too late, or she’ll leave him. Or he might enjoy a good time for a few years and then pull a Leonardo DiCaprio, looking for someone younger.
I’m just stuck in my head, trying to figure out what my future looks like. It’s hard not to project, not to imagine myself in those shoes, especially when everything feels so uncertain. But hey, life’s a journey, right? Just gotta keep moving forward and see where the road takes me.
Sifting Through the Scraps
Picture this: our startup, our baby, shutters its doors. I’m left with not a dime to my name, and with a heavy heart, we pack up my family and head to my parents’ house. Sounds like a plot straight out of a drama, right? But, as they say, when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Or at least you try to.
Just when the world seemed to have turned its back on me, an unexpected call from a dear friend brought a glimmer of hope. Now, this friend of mine? She’s a gem. She read my shutdown notice and didn’t just stop at sympathy; she offered me a lifeline. A freelance gig that, albeit at odd hours, gave me a chance to get back on my feet.
But here’s the catch. While I was burning the midnight oil, handling late-night calls, and daytime slides, The Mother was off jet-setting. Every weekend, she was off to Munich, Cologne, Mallorca, even New York, spending her money on fun. And me? I was holding down the fort, working hard, taking care of the kids, and watching the money trickle out for day-to-day expenses and daycare. It was so hurtful.
Now, it’s no secret that relationships are all about balance. But when one half is globetrotting and the other is barely scraping by, the scales are bound to tip. I started to resent the trips, the demands, and the incessant nagging. And when my family members started questioning her actions, it only added fuel to the fire.
Remember that scene in the movie where the hero finally snaps? Mine came at a train station, of all places. Picture this: me, with a five-year-old and a two-year-old in tow, faced with a packed train full of beer-drinking youths heading to an Octoberfest like carnival. There’s no way we were getting on that train. We headed back home, only to be met with a barrage of calls and texts from The Mother, insisting I take my elderly mom’s car and make the trip. Defeated, I complied, but the realization dawned on me—we were just pawns in her game of show-and-tell.
The trip to the zoo with her old friend and his wife was the cherry on top. I quickly realized that this outing wasn’t about family bonding—it was about The Mother showcasing her life. The awkwardness of the lunch, the redhead’s clear disdain, and the forced interactions only solidified my feelings of being used. And then, the final straw: a miserable hotel stay with a stressed-out child who wet the bed, signaling just how tough this had been on them too.
And here’s a kicker for you—I’m pretty sure The Mother had a crush on her undergrad friend back in the days. The way she was texting me nonstop, trying to get me to come along, it just felt like she was trying to show off. The whole situation made me feel even more like a pawn in her game and sick to my stomach.
Lessons from the Trenches:
In the plane, despite occasionally spying on my neighbor, I also read about loyalty in the Pyramid of Success (and then, to my dismay, I left my book on the plane—made Amazon happy, though). John Wooden regarded loyalty as a foundational value. He believed that loyalty to oneself, one’s principles, and to others is essential for building trust and creating lasting, meaningful relationships. For Wooden, loyalty was not just about being faithful to others but also about being committed to one’s own standards and values.
Reflecting on this, I remembered two instances when loyalty—or the lack thereof—played a significant role in my life.
First, back in the days when I played European handball, we had a player-coach who was, to put it bluntly, an absolute nightmare. A narcissist, he was great individually but could destroy a team, much like Jamie Tartt. Before the season started, it was announced he would be our player-coach. A few of us, who knew what that meant, decided we wouldn’t play. However, one of the older guys on the team gave us a pep talk and appealed to us to think about the team and the club. It resonated, and we stayed loyal. As expected, the season was horrible. Halfway through, the player-coach had had enough and left. It was on us younger guys to avoid relegation, and we did. Without him, we played so much better and won more games. We became a team again.
Second, after university, I became the project manager for an ERP replacement—by chance, there was no one else. It took three years to complete. I had a team of ten people from multiple departments lined up. One of my “friends”—or so I thought—volunteered to handle the training schedule for the rollout. I went on a much-needed four-week holiday, burnt out as I was. He promised to take care of it. When I came back, he said he hadn’t had time to do it. Lame excuse. I was furious, sad, and felt betrayed. I was responsible for the project, and his failure made me realize he wasn’t my friend. Friends wouldn’t do that. He also didn’t even offer to help when I returned to handle it together.
Being loyal to yourself and others has a tremendous effect. I’m old school—I can do handshake deals and stick to them. I don’t stab people in the back. But if it happens to me, I’m like an elephant—I don’t forget. Not that I seek revenge—far from it—I just won’t engage and will keep my distance. I’ve left a few jobs, but I never left before I left. You get paid, so do 100% of what you can deliver. I know this mindset is very old school, but that’s who I am.
What do you think? What is loyalty for you?
So long, and stay loyal to what truly matters.
I’m loyal to my kids, I’m not a cliché, I’m not a trophy.
Walter
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Current Books in Parallel Reading:
• Atomic Habits by James Clear
• Pyramid of Success by Coach Wooden
Habits I’m Working On:
• Fitness & Health: More sports, healthy eating, no junk food, lots of veggies, and less sugar. Aim: Sports 4 times a week (weights and running).
Mindset: I’m a runner and I’m healthy.
Status: had the plan but didn’t follow through - SHAME
• Dental Health: Flossing daily to avoid crowns and root canals.
Mindset: I have healthy teeth and I don’t hear the drill sound anymore
Status: it’s coming soon
• Writing: Practice, practice, practice—daily diary entries, no excuses.
Mindset: yes and started the long form
• Weight: 112 kg
Mindset: I’m a healthy and control my weight to feel better
Consecutive Days Posting on Walter’s Diary:
Twelve (12)